|Sunset over Leeds rooftops|
|Lamplight on a street in Leeds|
Sometimes you just want to scream and make everyone stop what they're doing, and sometimes you just need a quiet corner to cry in unwatched. How does the world carry on like nothing has changed when your whole world has shattered? The world should stop with you, to witness this shattering. Everybody and everything should just pause for a moment the way you need to pause and learn how to breathe again. How can they not? Why don't they care? How can they not see the world the way you do with all these new priorities and heightened sensibilities? What does it matter if the shirts are ironed, or dance class starts at precisely eight? How can they think of such trivial things when the world is shattering? It doesn't seem right that everything should be different but nobody else even seems to notice.
You are angry, and heartbroken, overwhelmed and confused, hurt and lost, and sad. So sad it hurts. You feel empty, and sad, and scared by turn and then sometimes, inexplicably, you feel nothing. And you don't know how to cope with it and there are no words to deal with it, but part of you desperately wants someone to come along with words that make everything make sense and feel better. I know. I've been there. And I wish I could offer you the words that you long for, the words that make everything make sense and bring you peace, but I can't. I can tell you that it gets better. Slowly, it gets better. Very slowly my faith saved me from drowning once. That isn't to say that I wasn't mad at God. I was. I was angry for a long time. But he was patient and slowly restored bits of me with small but important realizations of beauty.
|Rainy night-time street in Leeds|
I began to appreciate the people in my life more. I listened better, was more patient. I was there for them and they were there for me. And slowly I began to see beauty other places too. I saw it in sunsets, and rain-drops that clung like jewels onto tiny tree branches. I began to appreciate little moments and see little things that other people rushed passed. And slowly, oh so slowly, I was restored. I no longer felt like I was drowning.
|Sunset over Leeds|
I can't make sense of it all for you, or take away the pain. But I can promise you that it gets better with time. So hold on, dear broken one. Search for the little things that you can appreciate now, a kind word, a warm hug. And slowly, you will start to see the beauty around you until you are restored. Just hold on.